Written by Buraera Ahsen Idris.
Sex in mainstream media and pop culture has often been related to pleasure and euphoria, but for many, the emotional aftermath can be unexpectedly heavy.
Even when sex is consensual and enjoyable, some people are left feeling anxious, sensitive or blue. This experience is scientifically termed as post coital dysphoria or PCD.
According to a study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, PCD is a “counterintuitive phenomenon characterised by inexplicable feelings of tearfulness, sadness, or irritability following otherwise satisfactory consensual sexual activity.”
Understanding Post-Coital Dysphoria
Emma Spencer, an interpersonal therapist with over 20 years of experience, explains why this might happen.
She notes that with any high, it’s natural to then experience a bit of a low. In her words, “Even when you might have had a really lovely experience and then when it’s over, you can feel a sense of loss because it's done with.”
She explains that it’s similar to the “post-holiday blues”- the feeling of emptiness or loss after something enjoyable ends. In this way, intimacy can trigger comparable emotions.
Sex as the Most Intimate Experience
Emma adds that sex is quite possibly the most intimate human experience, and it doesn’t happen all the time, does it?
We can’t argue with that, can we?
She adds that, particularly for younger individuals or those who are new to having sexual experiences, the emotions afterwards can be quite possibly even more intense for one. You are definitely going to have multiple feelings about it, reflecting on how it felt, whether it was good or bad, and maybe feel a sense of loneliness that follows.
“You only have this person to share that with, and if in the case it was a one-night stand and they're gone the next day, who do you share that feeling with?” she says.
Women, especially, can be more attuned to post-sex emotions, in some cases. As females, we are more in touch with how we feel afterwards.
But men can definitely experience this feeling too.
Healthy Ways to Process Post-Coital Feelings
So why might someone feel like they are overthinking or being too sensitive?
“There’s a lot of nuance. It depends on how the sex went, whether it was equal in intention, planned or unplanned; lots of questions arise about how it might make you feel afterwards. Intimacy involves leaving yourself vulnerable, and vulnerability is difficult,” Emma explains.
What are some healthy ways to process these feelings when they arise?
“I think firstly, it's really beneficial to speak with someone you trust, a friend, a relative or a family member about what's happened and how you feel. Gaining another perspective can be valuable to process the emotions,” she advises.
Self-compassion is equally important. “It’s easy to feel guilty, critical or negative about what we’ve done, but sex is a natural part of life. It’s human. We all have sexual drives so validating that this is part of life and giving yourself some compassion can make a big difference,” she adds.
